a different new year..........

Looking at the celander, counting on the days to fly back home for CNY holidays. It seems time is going a little bit too slow. Spent 8 hours of journey, finally, I'm home! "There's nothing like home..." I really feel the words from the bottom of my heart. Thanks and appreciate to my parents who picked me up from bus station early in the morning that cost their sleep.

Traveled down to KL for CNY cause grandparents are getting old and inconvenient for travel. Really happy seeing grandparents and other relatives. Somehow i discovered somethings are not as in my memories. Grandpa just can't really reconise who am I becaused of dementia. Sometimes ago, my sister told me grandpa can't remember my name, I just can't hold my tears on the other side of phone as she's laughing on it.Grandma is not as healthy as she used to be. They've grown so much older from my memories. I was their first grandson, and they raised me up besides my parents. I just can't describe how my feelings were in words the moment I saw them. Grandpa had some records in and out wards and ICU few years back. I was in fear as I wasn't prepared to loose him. God has answered my prayers to get him out of the wards and ICU with the tears I've dropped in God's hand.

For us, CNY is our big celebration and it's the time of gathering. Kids running playing all around the house, adults chatting laughing, joy is all around the house. But I saw grandpa sitting there pretty quiet, enjoying biscuts alone by holding the whole container like a kid. Where is my talks very loud, scolds very loud, can't sit still grandpa....??? He seldom talks now a days, compared to the old days.Guess it's because his dementia affected his memories about us. It's pretty sad seeing my beloved grandparents' changes because of ages and illness......

a place...

~~~~~~~

a place in my room,
i feel secured, peace, and save,

when i'm down and frustrated.....
somehow....

here i am again......
sitting on the resting chair.....

don't know why.....

~~~~~~~

Thank You.......

can't really remember when my late grandny passed away, in my memories just near merdeka.... Guess I've come to some point that I've let go part of the pain... Every year her birthday and anniversary, I'll isolate myself for a period.... Even I've tired not to....

‎7 years ago.... I couldn't take it.... Till i ran away and evaporated myself from her funeral.... That put me into great pain and endless regret till now and still can't forgive myself.... I wasn't there for her for her last breath.... Not even a simple goodbye....


Sometimes joy can slower wounds in ones heart from bleeding, a deep cut seven years ago. Been trying hard to let go of the memorable one but not memories.... Joy and busyness seems helpfull in forgetting the pain or lesser the pain, for at least few hours, or maybe more.... Thank you for the great and priceless enjoyments of friendship, bondings, fellowship, laughters, memories....


Thank you...

Dream.....

Where the dream takes you,

That's where your heart longs to be;
When you finally found that place,

You'll find all you need....

And a dream is always a wish your heart makes....

~~~~~~~

Distance.....

"The greatest distance on earth is not North and South,

it is when I am right in front of you and you don't know that I love you..."

Distance, can't part each when they'er in love, crazy-ly in love. But the hardest and saddest thing is when I'm right in front of you, trying my best making you smile, listening to you, cheering you up, and you don't even know that I'm actually falling for you....

"Do you have a bandage? I scrapped my knees falling for you..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Never Gonna Be Alone.....

Time, is going by, so much faster than I,

And I'm starting to regret not spending all of it with you.

Now I'm, wondering why, I've kept this bottled inside,

So I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you.

So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

Never gonna be alone!

From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,

I won't let you fall...

Never gonna be alone!

I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

And now, as long as I can, I'm holding on with both hands,

'Cause forever I believe that there's nothing I could need but you,

So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

Never gonna be alone!

From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,

I won't let you fall.When all hope is gone,

I know that you can carry on.

We're gonna see the world out,I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

You've gotta live every single day,

Like it's the only one, what if tomorrow never comes?

Don't let it slip away,

Could be our only one, you know it's only just begun.

Every single day,

Maybe our only one, what if tomorrow never comes?

Tomorrow never comes...

Time, is going by, so much faster than I,

And I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you.

So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

Never gonna be alone!

From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,

I won't let you fall.

When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.

We're gonna see the world out,

I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

I'm gonna be there always,

I won't be missing one more day,

I'm gonna be there always,

I won't be missing one more day.

~~~~~~~~~~

Oscar Winner....

Praise The Lord...! I'm finally back in business....

back to state training....!

run, Run, RUn, RUN.....!!!

exhausted....!!!

that's not my point.....!

i just realized there're some potential Oscar Award winners among my friends.... when i got into church office to check on my parcels arrived this afternoon, she paused her works and looked at me, "You look tired, are you ok...?" well, i was about to recovered from sick and still struggled with a bit coughing. she went to the kitchen and brought out a cup of water with her. she just stood there with the cup of water in her hands while i was busy checking the contain of my parcels. i felt something, something strange. as long as i knew her, she never did this before. i looked up and stretched out my hands for the cup as i knew the cup of water was for me. "Actually, i'm coming back..." i gave her a smile and finished up the cup of water then continue on my stuffs.....

~~~~~~~

"I'm coming back...! you know...? I do mean I'm coming back..." i was stunned at that moment. what do you mean by you're coming back...? aren't you said that you were fired or resigned and going back to KL for good...? you gotta be kidding me....! then she bursted into smiles from the innocent looking just now..... Crap...! I was pranked again....! amazingly there was no anger in me, but pleased to hear that. it was really sad and hurting to learn that a 4 months friendship was about to end by the most stupid-est decision i've ever made and caused endless troubels. things were way too beyond my expectations that i nearly couldn't take it. but what came from her this afternoon was also really a...... :D and =.=" gosh...!!!! i would have knew it.....! God sent her here 4 months ago, He ain't dumping her back just like this....!

~~~~~~~

"Amazingly boss didn't say anything, not as i expected. All the stuff i told you was just a prank that i started up myself... :p but the sms was real, from my greatfull heart..." Gotta give her an Oscar Award as she was pretending and acting all the time that she's not coming back.....

~~~~~~~

Bravo, Andr3a.

You've got me.....!!!!

No Regrets.....

Finally, I've issue my resignation letter.... Great day to be celebreated (all my friends said that...) I didn't feel any joy of it, but heavy. I kinda can predict what's going to happen. As usual, my boss can't accept it and pretend nothing happened by keeping my letter on his desk. Finally I get the blame from other boss by not letting them know and not handing over responsibilities..... What the....! I mean... I've been talking about it in office, and asking for people to take over my position.....! but being ignored....! And my pastor way out of the country have to contact me because of their DIRECT COMPLAIN....! You gotta be kidding me.....! This ain't games among children,

"when I can't beat you, I complain to ya mama"

No one will like to be in my position! I dare to say this.....! Coz when I'm not in best form, director shoots, boss shoots, and..... guess what...! my pastor/mentor shoots me too..... Wow... TRIPLE SHOOT....!!! when I'm in good form, I ain't get paid....!!!! Yea...! I mean my pay, my PAY CHEQUE....!!!! Four months mann.... Who can tahan...? tell me.. who can tahan...?

When boss asked to stay-on......

"You gotta be kidding me........!!!"

That's my answer.

~~~~~~~

When we believe....

Whooooow..... another movie.....! 2 nights 2 movies....! A story of a Legendary Chinese Martial Art Master - Ip Man. This is the 2nd part of the series, took place in Hong Kong at 1940's.

The character Master Hung impressed me with his faith and what he believes when he fight the world chanpion boxer. though he is selfcentered, and greedy.

"For living, I can take off my pride; for Chinese Martial Art, I shall fight and protect our pride...."

- Master Hung, Ip Man 2

When percicution comes, do we christians have the faith and believes as Master Hung to fight till the end...? many will say master hung is stupid or what, but for me, he fight for what he believes with faith, thought his actions and intentions of collecting those illegal fees are not a good role to follow. At least he die of protecting the pride and what he believes in. It hammered me with Peter's react of denying Jesus. When the day comes will I be denying Jesus as well....? Or I'll be standing firm and fight till the end....? Jesus sacrificed Himself for us, why can't we.....?

"Although people has different status in life, I don't believe that one person's integrity is worth more than others; I hope that we can start to respect each other."

- Master Ip Man, Ip Man 2

That's why Ip man can become a legendary martial art master, speechless and totally agree with him. there wouldn't be wars if leaders of nations could think like him and act like him. two thumbs up...!

When Iron Man is not iron anymore.....

Just back from the movie Iron Man 2, the long waited blockbuster..... same story, technology wars.... and some emtional for this time.

Somehow some phrases bugging my mind non-stop....


"What is my greatest creation and always will be, is you."

- Howard Satrk, Iron Man 2

The greatest of a father's love, Tony thought his father never loves him untill he saw his dad's last message for him.... Same as our Father in Heven loves us so much, but sometimes we still think that He never loves us nor favour us. All the things that He had done for us, even send his son to die for our sins, the sad things is many ppl in this world still deny His unconditional love. These put me back to the time when i was studying in collage, my earthly father still kept his hope on me although i was rebellion and there were seems to be no hope in my life.....

“You get too attached to things; you have to let go."

- Ivan Vanko, Iron Man 2

ya.... letting go is such a hard thing to put in practice. i can still remember that a team of missioneries visited D'gap 4 years ago, the message they brought was "letting go..." - Matt 13:44-46. I was like kinda being hammered really really heavy on my head... I have to let go...! I have to let go of my past! In order to revceive what God has prepared for me. A very simple example that i always use to minister to ppl like me. Imagine both your hands are holding on a cup of drink each, when u saw a RM 100 note on the floor. what would you do...?

As I'm now attached to working life, my works draw me away from my life, let go...? Same butter and bread story..... I'm holding onto something, but i can't see anything infront of me.... Dear Dad.... Am I still in a test...? Am I still in the race....?

When tank is empty.......

A friend throw me a question: Is your tank empty....?

Yea.... My tank is empty now, drain and dry. Our life, it is just like a tank. We fill it with things we love to do. It is the matter of what you fill it with, whether it is sustainable? World's Busyness will drain the tank pretty fast. Talking about sustainable, what should we fill it with? Materialism? Pride? Those couldn't sustain even for a while! The first thing came across my mind for the question is worshiping God. That's the only way to fill my tank before it really drain out. It's a very good example to find a balance in a busy world. Then i began to realise that my tank is draining pretty fast, cause of my busy long hours work, it is pulling my own life away from me. That's why I feel frustrated, dry, and hungry (spiritually). I'm not balance anymore. I need to fill my tank to balance out myself between works and my life. Definitely needed to do so. Well, thanks to my buddy who throw me this question, it's worth to think deep about it.

Father in Heaven, my tank is draining out. Father, I pray that You will pour down Your wisdome upon me to turn over the situation. And Father Lord, strenghten me, Father O'Lord, to face the world, to defeat all those who want to draw me apart from You..... Lord O'God, I pray that You will bless my friends and people around me that give me support and encourage me, bless them in a special way O'Lord God Almighty.....

~Amen~

Letter from Sister.....

Dearest CK,

hey hey.. read your msg in msn in tears, realising that i miss u so much that i cried out.

Listen carefully !!! u were NOT the reason/cause to my bad results in A-level. It was me myself !! I was too playful, I played too much, too much distractions that I couldnt resist. IT WAS NOT BECAUSE OF YOU. Dont blame yourself for that, furthermore, it is past tense already!! But to be very honest, I am very glad that God brought me here in AIMST, SP. I came to know God, to be nearer to Him, to met with bunches of great friends, to have a real interesting university life. Every changes He made to my life, there were purposes. He made me know my weakness, He made me realise great things around me which i didnt notice all these while.

Gor.. it's the same thing God is doing on you. He has His purpose. He wants you to excel in something, He wants to mould you to a better person !! He wants to know your own ability, (though you mightbe thinking that He is giving you hard times, He is here just to bring you down, no, that is devil). Dont let 'em bring you down. Dont look at the past, those that we missed, we couldnt wind back the time, so we have to look in front, appreciate our time now. He has a better plan for you !!! Wonderful things will happen. You wont be able to appreciate the "wonderful-ness" if you have not gone through the bitter-ness.

and yes !! we tend to pray more, seek God when we're in hard times. we tend to miss home when we're troubled away from home, because til then only we fully understand the word HOME . Family will always be the one standing by our sides, as we will always be with you, ck. Although our parents always ngam ngam cham cham, they really ngam cham for our own good (though it's really beh tahan sometimes ) You know, they really love you. They want you to be independent. Papa always ask me about you.

Remember,you can always call us, you can always talk/write to me. ANYTIME !!!

You're not alone. We're always here for you.

We miss and love you so much


Shan.

When God Made You....

Its always been a mystery to me,

How two hearts can come together,

And love can last forever.

But now that I have found you I believe,

That a miracle has come when God sends the perfect one.

So gone are all my questions about why,

And i've never been so sure of anything in my life

~chorus~
Oh I wonder what God was thinking,

when he created you.

I wonder if He knew everything I would need,

Because he made all my dreams come true.

When God made you,

He must have been thinking about me.

I promise that wherever you may go,

wherever life may lead you,

With all my heart I'll be there too.

And from this moment on I want you to know,

I'll let nothing come between us,

and I will love the ones you love.

So gone are all my questions about why

~chorus~
Oh I wonder what God was thinking,

when he created you.

I wonder if He knew everything I would need,

Because he made all my dreams come true.

When God made you,

He must have been thinking about me.

~bridge~
He made the sun He made the moon,

To harmonize a perfect tune,

One can't do without the other they just have to be together.

And that is how I know its true,

Your for me and i'm for you and my world

Just cant be right without you in my life

~chorus~
He must have heard every prayer I've been praying

He must've knew everything I would need
When God made you,

He must've been thinking about me.

gRace Continued.....

When great pain and joy mixup, it will steers and drives you to another level of unpredictable.

Floorball brings great joy, and I'm suprise for our faith and desires of winning. We are not satisfied for just having fun anymore, I want to see how far we can go from here; therefore, I want to race, I want to be in the race. I think that's what push me to chase after Glories.....

For this tournament, guys.... I can show you the way to victory, but I want you all to know, if you keep thinking and persuing to win, just to win...! you will learn nothing in the end. I hope you all can learn something else from floorball instead of skills and strategies. It is the connections, bondings, and trusts among ppl that you all have to learn, nomatter in the court or outside the court. Trust and being trusted is an very amazing thing, yet it is so difficult but it will bring you great joy when you get through it. We play as a team, we have to put our trust in each one of us, then we can talk about teamwork. It's the same when you put your trust in God. Must have faith to trust your friends and team mates and even yourself..... Who predicted we will win over NFC by 2 goals....? God did....! Remember, God is always with us, like a father will always be there for his sons and daughters.....

It is always hard to say Goodbye......

It has been 65 days since you went back to KL for good. 6th December 2009, a day where goodbye seems to be so hard and heavy. Dai ga jie, you are more that a good friend to me, you are like a sister to me, a real sister.... As you mentioned, we mean a lot to you; in fact, you mean a lot to us as well. I'm glad I have a sister in Christ or so called god sister like you. Sister who is always there for the youngers; a good listener when I need someone to talk to; poke on me when I'm not doing things right; stretch out your hands to pull me out of troubles although I always get into it. A sister who always encourages when I was in bad shape. Dai ga jie, nothing can express my thanks and gladfull to you as you played a faithfull, caring, and understanding sister to me, not just me, all of us here.....

~God is so good to send you to us~

~It's always hard to say goodbye~

~We miss you and we love you~

Cheesecoholic.....!

Was wondering and worrying, how's pastor's new P.A....?

Will she be friendly....?

Can she click with us like dai ga jie....?

After meeting her, all worries gone.....!!! She is normal, friendly as in the first impression, and a bit crazy (knew it after that...) Andrea is her name. All things goes well... till one saturday, I can't remember what I've asked for her favour. Later I was told that I owe her a slice of cheesecake.... What...?? CHEESECAKE....!!!??? I, I, I can't remember owing her anithing as I just get to know her like a week ago.... ok...! more than a week....! It really doesn't make any sence to me....!

"Yes...! A CHEESECAKE....!!! You Owe me 1 cheesecake now for the favour that you've ask...."

What the hack...! I never knew there's such a T&C out there.....!!!!

From that day on, she will be just keep collecting depts of cheesecakes..... or I shall call it BLACKMAIL....!!!

Why cheesecakes....???

"I don't know...! I just love cheese.... especially CHEESECAKES from SECRET RECEPIRS......!!!!"

I meet with a cheesecoholic......!!! Is it goo dor bad....???!!!

We knew each other less than 2 weeks, and she was dumped into the sea as a welcome....

That's Andrea....!

When God is testing you...

Imagine ppl around you could never look at you like they ever before....? Does it mean that a person sinned, all good that have been done will go in vain..? they see you as nobody, turn off the face, not that smiling warm helo anymore.....! he deserved it, but not all....

Father O'Lord... please strenghten me to face them.....

deep waters, dark nights.....

In the flim The Perfect Storm, a caitain and crew head out for what they hope will be an uneventful fishing expedition. in their quest for a bountiful catch, they motor far past their normal fishing location. There they find great success, but as they turn for home they encounter the horrifying combination of two powerful weather fronts and a hurricane. The crew struggles as they attemp to cut through deep waters, a dark night, pounding waves, and shireking winds. Ultimately, the fierce weather overwhelms them.

As the disciples made their way across the Sea of Galilee to Bethsaida, they too found themselves in a ferocious storm - experiencing turbulent, deep watersand a dark night. They struggled to sail throughpounding waves and shrieking winds. Though they could not see Jesus, Jesus could see them (Mark 6:48). He saw their exhausion, desperation, and even their lack of progress. Not only did He see them, He came to them in an unexpected and powerful way, walking on the water (Mark 6:48-49). When Jesus walked on the water, He gave them a glimpse of the ultimated power of God. Though they couldn't speak, Jesus spoke to them:"Don't be afraid.... Take courage! I am here!" (Mark 6:50). His words and presence gave them courage.

If we're experiencing deep waters and dark nights, remember... When we can't see Jesus, Jesus sees us. He sees our hard work, exhaustion, sorrow, fear, and our lack of progress, and He cares deeply for us. When we can't come to Jesus, Jesus comes to us. In unexpected and powerful ways. His coming is not always to deliver us, but to remind us that He's still in control and will not let us be overwhelmed. When we can't speak to Jesus, Jesus speaks to us. He speaks powerful words of assurance:"I am here...!"

Mark 6:45-51

People Need The LORD.....

Many times when I feel lost, confuse, GOD will show me something, even very tiny little thing.... Will change my whole life..... I give my life to God....

Floorball Tour de Penang

Touched down at KKIA T2, tired but still in excited mood.... Went through a week, eat floorball, drink floorball, sleep floorball, talk floorball, play floorball, pray floorball (sounds crazy....!)

Went to Penang for a week of floorball touring with Nomads. The schedule is kinda eat, sleep and play.... feeling kinda like a professional full time player. Mind loaded with tones of floorball tactics, rules, strategies, etc. for the whole week... No doubt, learnt a lot from them, no matter in terms of tactic, skills, strategies, etc.... The Penang players really showed us what is floorball about.... i think we gotta start to study what is floorball right from the beginning again.... haha... The level of skills are totally different from us here in Sabah, but soon floorballers in Sabah here will catch up with them...

As a player, my experience in this tour is mainly SUBMISSION and Obey.... as for the match facing the giants (Penang State Team @ Malaysia National Team), Ps Edward predicted we will be giving away about 30 to 40 goals as he knows the head coach so well.... He did give us some tips and training on the defence strategies and running positions. Well, he still kept his prediction after the training session. With the spirit of submission and obey to team captain, we kept the shape of defensive till the end of game and minimized down the score to 10-0 with 12 of us playing against a team in full lines (20 players). As our team captain mentioned, Nomad always surprises him...!!!

Last session with Team Unihoc, which basically players using Unihoc equipments and personally hand picked by Ps Edward. We had lots of fun that night. Running positions, goals, different style and ways of scoring field goals and penalties, goal keeping tips....

Soon SFA will be bringing a team of Sabah State Team to Penang next year....

Btw, Ps Edward was and is the head coach......