a different new year..........

Looking at the celander, counting on the days to fly back home for CNY holidays. It seems time is going a little bit too slow. Spent 8 hours of journey, finally, I'm home! "There's nothing like home..." I really feel the words from the bottom of my heart. Thanks and appreciate to my parents who picked me up from bus station early in the morning that cost their sleep.

Traveled down to KL for CNY cause grandparents are getting old and inconvenient for travel. Really happy seeing grandparents and other relatives. Somehow i discovered somethings are not as in my memories. Grandpa just can't really reconise who am I becaused of dementia. Sometimes ago, my sister told me grandpa can't remember my name, I just can't hold my tears on the other side of phone as she's laughing on it.Grandma is not as healthy as she used to be. They've grown so much older from my memories. I was their first grandson, and they raised me up besides my parents. I just can't describe how my feelings were in words the moment I saw them. Grandpa had some records in and out wards and ICU few years back. I was in fear as I wasn't prepared to loose him. God has answered my prayers to get him out of the wards and ICU with the tears I've dropped in God's hand.

For us, CNY is our big celebration and it's the time of gathering. Kids running playing all around the house, adults chatting laughing, joy is all around the house. But I saw grandpa sitting there pretty quiet, enjoying biscuts alone by holding the whole container like a kid. Where is my talks very loud, scolds very loud, can't sit still grandpa....??? He seldom talks now a days, compared to the old days.Guess it's because his dementia affected his memories about us. It's pretty sad seeing my beloved grandparents' changes because of ages and illness......

a place...

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a place in my room,
i feel secured, peace, and save,

when i'm down and frustrated.....
somehow....

here i am again......
sitting on the resting chair.....

don't know why.....

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Thank You.......

can't really remember when my late grandny passed away, in my memories just near merdeka.... Guess I've come to some point that I've let go part of the pain... Every year her birthday and anniversary, I'll isolate myself for a period.... Even I've tired not to....

‎7 years ago.... I couldn't take it.... Till i ran away and evaporated myself from her funeral.... That put me into great pain and endless regret till now and still can't forgive myself.... I wasn't there for her for her last breath.... Not even a simple goodbye....


Sometimes joy can slower wounds in ones heart from bleeding, a deep cut seven years ago. Been trying hard to let go of the memorable one but not memories.... Joy and busyness seems helpfull in forgetting the pain or lesser the pain, for at least few hours, or maybe more.... Thank you for the great and priceless enjoyments of friendship, bondings, fellowship, laughters, memories....


Thank you...

Dream.....

Where the dream takes you,

That's where your heart longs to be;
When you finally found that place,

You'll find all you need....

And a dream is always a wish your heart makes....

~~~~~~~

Distance.....

"The greatest distance on earth is not North and South,

it is when I am right in front of you and you don't know that I love you..."

Distance, can't part each when they'er in love, crazy-ly in love. But the hardest and saddest thing is when I'm right in front of you, trying my best making you smile, listening to you, cheering you up, and you don't even know that I'm actually falling for you....

"Do you have a bandage? I scrapped my knees falling for you..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Never Gonna Be Alone.....

Time, is going by, so much faster than I,

And I'm starting to regret not spending all of it with you.

Now I'm, wondering why, I've kept this bottled inside,

So I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you.

So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

Never gonna be alone!

From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,

I won't let you fall...

Never gonna be alone!

I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

And now, as long as I can, I'm holding on with both hands,

'Cause forever I believe that there's nothing I could need but you,

So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

Never gonna be alone!

From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,

I won't let you fall.When all hope is gone,

I know that you can carry on.

We're gonna see the world out,I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

You've gotta live every single day,

Like it's the only one, what if tomorrow never comes?

Don't let it slip away,

Could be our only one, you know it's only just begun.

Every single day,

Maybe our only one, what if tomorrow never comes?

Tomorrow never comes...

Time, is going by, so much faster than I,

And I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you.

So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

Never gonna be alone!

From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,

I won't let you fall.

When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.

We're gonna see the world out,

I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

I'm gonna be there always,

I won't be missing one more day,

I'm gonna be there always,

I won't be missing one more day.

~~~~~~~~~~

Oscar Winner....

Praise The Lord...! I'm finally back in business....

back to state training....!

run, Run, RUn, RUN.....!!!

exhausted....!!!

that's not my point.....!

i just realized there're some potential Oscar Award winners among my friends.... when i got into church office to check on my parcels arrived this afternoon, she paused her works and looked at me, "You look tired, are you ok...?" well, i was about to recovered from sick and still struggled with a bit coughing. she went to the kitchen and brought out a cup of water with her. she just stood there with the cup of water in her hands while i was busy checking the contain of my parcels. i felt something, something strange. as long as i knew her, she never did this before. i looked up and stretched out my hands for the cup as i knew the cup of water was for me. "Actually, i'm coming back..." i gave her a smile and finished up the cup of water then continue on my stuffs.....

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"I'm coming back...! you know...? I do mean I'm coming back..." i was stunned at that moment. what do you mean by you're coming back...? aren't you said that you were fired or resigned and going back to KL for good...? you gotta be kidding me....! then she bursted into smiles from the innocent looking just now..... Crap...! I was pranked again....! amazingly there was no anger in me, but pleased to hear that. it was really sad and hurting to learn that a 4 months friendship was about to end by the most stupid-est decision i've ever made and caused endless troubels. things were way too beyond my expectations that i nearly couldn't take it. but what came from her this afternoon was also really a...... :D and =.=" gosh...!!!! i would have knew it.....! God sent her here 4 months ago, He ain't dumping her back just like this....!

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"Amazingly boss didn't say anything, not as i expected. All the stuff i told you was just a prank that i started up myself... :p but the sms was real, from my greatfull heart..." Gotta give her an Oscar Award as she was pretending and acting all the time that she's not coming back.....

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Bravo, Andr3a.

You've got me.....!!!!